


Wish you were here

by Wayward_Panda



Category: NoPixel
Genre: Angst, Coma, featuring the Parkleaf fam too I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 01:53:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21291692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wayward_Panda/pseuds/Wayward_Panda
Summary: Older brothers are supposed to protect their younger ones. Marriages are supposed to be a time of celebration. Holden was supposed to wake up months ago.Life rarely happens the way people think it should.
Relationships: Gazz Maloo & Holden Maloo, Gazz Maloo/Lucille Hellman, Reed Dankleaf/Ryan Parker
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	Wish you were here

“D’you know I’m getting married soon?”

Holden doesn’t reply. He hasn’t replied in months. All Gazz gets a response is the dull beeping in the background. He’s grown accustomed to the sound of the machinery keeping his brother alive, though he wished there was some magical procedure they could perform to wake him up. Some miracle pill that he could digest that would erase what had happened. Erase that single punch that he had taken to the back of the head. When Gomer had knocked Holden out, Gazz had been certain that he’d be a goner. But them EMS came and saved him and Ducky had stitched him up and assured Gazz that he would recover. So Gazz waited (and was still waiting) for the day when Holden opened his eyes again. 

No one told him it would take this long. 

Gazz clears his throat. “Yeah, I’m finally marrying Lucy. Reed gave me his ring and his blessing.” He chuckles, smiling as he recalls fond memories. It was crazy, how much had changed. That scared little Aussie boy who accidentally stowed away to Los Santos was now a true criminal through and through, one with a genuine family and a woman he’d soon be marrying. He was free from his mother’s and Irwin’s iron grips and and had fought his way to the rank of Road Captain of the Lost MC. 

He’d never thought he’d make it this far. When he and Holden had initially realized that they had boarded the wrong plane, Gazz didn’t have too much hope for their survival. Entering a notoriously dangerous city with nothing but a drug addiction and an inability to read? Yeah, not great. The two legitimate jobs he had gotten had been quickly lost once they found out about his drugs. Having no other choice, he turned to crime. And man, was that a mess. For the longest time, he and Holden had nothing but each other, which thankfully worked well enough.

But then Irwin Dundee invited himself into their lives. And man, what Gazz would give for an undo button. Because he had been so desperate to live for something, for his life to have some semblance of meaning, that he couldn’t see past Dundee’s proud words and arrogant ideals. The thought of being a part of something bigger was so alluring, and easily, pathetically, Gazz found himself falling right into a trap.

Even now, he’ll wake up to the thought of Dundee’s snarl and suffocating rules. A place he had worked so hard to build, only to realize he truly had no place in it. It was never “the Bondi Boys,” it was only Dundee, it had always been just Dundee, just Dundee and his uncompromising lack of a vision. And Gazz had not only allowed himself to be swallowed by it, but Holden as well. Holden, a meth baby through and through. Someone who really had no business being in heavy gang shit, but had nowhere else to go. 

There’s a part of him that yells terrible things sometimes, screaming that it’s his fault that Holden’s like this- an empty shell, a stark contrast of what he used to be. After all, if he hadn’t joined the Bondi Boys, he never would’ve run into the snake known as Gomer. Never would’ve felt obligated to fix Dundee’s mistakes. Never would’ve found himself in a hospital room talking to his comatose brother. But then he shakes himself and refuses to let his thoughts to wander down that path. Because he wasn’t the one who rabbit punched Holden. He wasn’t the one unable to fix his own problems. No, the blame lied solely with Gomer and Dundee, no one else. It was their faults, and Gazz would never forgive them for what they’d done. 

Gazz clears his throat, blinking out of his reverie. Visiting Holden always tended to make him reminisce. After all, Holden was permanently stuck in the past. When he woke up, he’d probably still think of himself as the secretary to the Bondi Boys, even though they weren’t really a thing anymore. That was part of the reason Gazz talked to him- because he hoped that somehow, Holden would be able to listen and understand. So he continues, saying, “Ryan’s pretty happy for us too, I think. I dunno, I haven’t seen him in a while. But I don’t know why he wouldn’t want to see us get married. He loves Lucy too, everyone does. She’s really great, you know, I’m so fucking lucky. I really can’t believe I’m actually marrying her.”

It’s easy to imagine Holden’s voice replying to him, saying something along the lines of how girls couldn’t be as good as meth or some shit, something dumb and so very Holden of him. It’s so real that his breath catches. He thinks about the dreams were Holden finally wakes from his coma, coherent and eager to learn everything about the world again. But reality was cruel, and the wish crumbles when Holden fails to reply. Gazz glances over at him, eyes dull and watery. Holden looks the same- pale, thin, IV poking out of his arm. Eyes closed. Shallow breathing. Brain nearly dead. 

Gritting his teeth, he clenches his fist. “I wish-” Gazz begins desperately, then stops. Tears are threatening to spill and he looks away, unable to stand it. Unable to accept that this probably wasn’t going to get better. That it was possible for doctors to be wrong, for Ducky to be wrong, because he was human and humans were failable. Unable to accept that even if some miracle happened and Holden did wake up, he would probably be a completely different person. Being unconscious for such a long time wasn’t good for the brain, even Gazz knew that. Plus, Holden didn’t have too many brain cells to begin with. If he was really, truly honest with himself, he knew this was all a lost cause. It was just a matter of when he would break. 

He stands up abruptly then, breathing quick and heavy. With a shuddered exhale, he shakes himself again, blinking away the tears. Gazz doesn’t look at Holden again. There’s no point- he said what he needed to say, and it wasn’t like his brother could add to the conversation. Walking with a composure he doesn’t feel inwardly, Gazz strides to the door, fingers ghosting over the light switch. But he doesn’t flick them off. As if pulled by some unseen force, his head naturally goes to where Holden’s lying. With a sigh, he finishes what he was going to say.

“I wish you could be there too.” Gazz says, before flicking off the lights and shutting the door behind him.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the fact that I miss Holden dearly PepeHands. I'm also taking requests, if anyone has any.


End file.
